I earned 1,436 points on Yahoo! Answers last week. Is that something to be proud of? To have no life?

 Still jobless and unemployed      Still feeling miserable.

    I really hate being a virgin. That means that no decent guy would be there to love me and have sex with me. I feel like such a loser and ashamed of being a virgin. I really NEED to lose it. It plagued me  last summer and I won't make the same mistakes again. Last summer, I thought about losing my virginity. I obsessed over it last summer. I haven't gotten my first kiss yet, for God's sake. I didn't even have my first boyfriend yet. God, that seems pitiful to write and even think about. 18 and never been kissed by a guy. I haven't been on a date at all. I went out with my fifth grade teacher when I was 11 years old, and that was about it. That was 7 years ago. And to this day, I haven't dated when I was in middle school or in high school. That's 7 years of solitude. I think about losing my virginity using Craigslist, but the shitty site had a feature where they're going to confirm my account phone. It's beause of the incident where a masseuse was killed by the "Criagslist killer" that they had to remove the "Erotics" feauture on their site. It's just one fucking death!!! Why did they had to change the site because of that?!!

I'm having a hard time trying to market myself to the various men. I think about standing on the street corners and waiting for a car to pass by. I think about walking around the Lenox area so I won't be seen by my parents. I think about waiting outside of a strip club. It's fustrating, really, when you are trying to get laid with strangers. I have the perfect excuse to tell my parents about the whole ordeal. I tell them that I recently found a late night job and that I need to go to work. That'll settle their worries.

It's been three weeks. This week is the third week. I've been trying for three weeks. Oh well. Practice makes perfect.

Maybe I should actually find a real job. But the slots are highly demanded that I won't get the job. It's depressing when the fucking economy is in a recession.

   I realized that my father truly loves me and doesn't hate me. He buys me so much stuff and food. He didn't even kick me out of the house when I turned 18. He didn't encourage me to have a job. He's the only man that really loved me. Maybe when I've made enough money, I'll give about $ 2,000 back to him. But his love and caring soul is priceless....

 

• Saturday, June 13, 2009 •